My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
