so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
