i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
