Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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