lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
