So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
