:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
