just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
pray to the hookup gods
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
