sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
