it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
