how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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