i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
