The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My cat gives me a boner
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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