I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
