I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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