So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
