So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
