College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize