i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
