I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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