Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
