i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
