EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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