Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
one might say we're banned from that church
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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