I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
