with your own penis?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize