I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
