his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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