Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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