Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
