When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
