He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
