I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
