I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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