i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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