He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
