come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
