I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
