Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Boobs are out for the taking
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
