How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
