Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
