Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The Olympian is in my bed
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
