I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
