i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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