I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
