kristin has been a bad kristin
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
