5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
