I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
