Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
