I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
