I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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