so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
