Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
