I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
