If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
