Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
