Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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