I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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