do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
