If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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