Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
