never play flip cup with pint glasses
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize