How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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