Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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