Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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