Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
