I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
