she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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