bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
