I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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