im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize