Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
