Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
