Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
