so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
